Today has been an odd day. I woke up with mud like energy all around me. I woke up thinking that I haven’t had this much dense energy sitting in my space in the morning lately. Anyway, the day ended up combination of one energy visit after another throughout the day. I made it to the Pilates class, so I’m glad that at least I put some taking care of myself meanwhile. I had a short conversation with a lady in the class today which made me think of the topic today. Yes, it’s about “being nice.”
There is saying about nice guys finish last. I’m sure there are different meanings than what I’m going to share, but I kind of feel that it has truth to it. In fact, I’m sure there are many women who heard and get reminded that being nice isn’t always good. Women are by nature taught and programmed to be “nice.” I haven’t been a man in this life time, so I can’t quite say about men, but I’m sure men have mixed feeling about being “nice.” I want to say that being nice is cool if we know what we’re talking about. Who wants to be the negative grumpy old (or young) men/women in the world? The trick is, we tend to be nice to others and not ourselves. As long as “being nice” refers to ourselves, we are right on track.
Oh Believe me! I’m not good at changing this persistent “being nice” to others part in life. In fact, I used to live solely on that. Then when I look at myself and look at my life, nothing was smiling. If we can’t take good care of ourselves, there is no way we can take care of others. It creates negative energy dissonance in us because we’re giving too much and not receiving. We feel resentment, bitterness, resistance, etc. because the energy is not balanced inside of us and in-between the others and us.
There are many turning points in my life, but when I made a solid decision to stop being nice to others but myself first, it was probably when I realized that I had been an unconscious empath healer. When others are getting healthier and well, I was going opposite end. I felt bitter and resentful of those whom I unconsciously healed and took their garbage on myself instead. That’s extreme, but it was true for me. With conscious intent and practice, I’m much better at being nice to myself. Sometimes I have to really stop the action and check in with myself before doing things because this “being nice” to others is quite strong conditioning. But, I’m getting better at it.
The other day, I went to the Pilates class after the long meditation in the morning. I felt something was a little strange, but didn’t doubt anything about the Pilates class. I thought it was something to do with my healing work. When I arrived to the gym and quickly meditated, I felt a persistent “ping” in my head. I was in a hurry to go to the class, so I didn’t really listen to this “ping.” When I entered the classroom, I regretted that I didn’t slow myself down. There was a sub. Sub is ok, but lately I have a pretty set intent around my exercise classes, so anything which throws me off from my healing work, I won’t do it any more. I would have made an U-turn if I saw it was a sub, but I didn’t. I walked into the room without checking, so it was too late. I’m not that rude to walk away so obviously once I enter the room, you know?
The class was started already because it took me a little longer to clear up in my car (probably because of this sub). When I settled myself and started to follow what the instructor was leading the class to do, I felt the instructor’s energy was paying attention to me (I wonder why but I don’t care at this point). I could sense her energy was coming toward me and sure enough, she walked toward me. She wanted to take my socks off. I get that it’s probably better to be bear feet when doing this kind of class, but unfortunately I kind of like wearing my socks in Pilates class. She said, “can you take off your socks?” “Not at this point if you don’t mind,” I responded. “As long as you don’t slip!” She walked off by spitting the bundle of energies I didn’t want to deal with in “taking care of myself time.”
The energy when I walked into the classroom wasn’t my preferred energy, but when the instructor came so close to me and spitted her energy against me, it was much more clearer. Competition, judgement, control, anger, etc. Man… I come to this Pilates class because it helps me to be aware of how my body holds energy stagnation and the instructor is super gentle and joyful. I even gave up on doing my old time step class because of dealing with those negative energies. Why do I want to take a class from a person filled with anger to start with? In my head, my discerning process was rapidly happening. I wrapped up my mat, put my shoes on, grabbed my key and walked out from the class.
You know? I don’t do this kind of thing: walk out from the class. For one, it’s rude to the instructor. It’s like going to a restaurant, order food, ate a little bit, didn’t like it, so you walk out of the restaurant without paying. I’m exaggerating, but it’s about etiquette. Anyway, but I did walk out the class. The process of my decision wasn’t easy but it was quick and fast enough to walk out. Maybe I’m getting better at this.
If I stayed in the class for one hour, I knew that I would be receiving this lady’s negative attack throughout the class. Am I going to clean out after the class while I’d rather focus on setting up for my healing work? Walking out of the class is not “nice” to this instructor, but does she deserve to be treated “nicely” while under the surface her energy was seriously not nice to me (and to the class)? Of course, there were some battles between my conditioned voice and my new truthful voice. I chose to be nice to myself instead.
When I was in the class today, I chatted with the lady who always set next to me. She was in the class when the sub was teaching. I asked her if it was a good class and I explained I would not normally do such (walk out from the class). The lady said, “I could totally understand why you left and I would have left, too. We admired you for that. That instructor wasn’t right. I can’t describe clearly like your perspectives but something wasn’t right about her.” I was so glad that I took myself over this instructor that day.
I’m not encouraging you to be a jerk to others and do whatever you want. I think having a general niceness toward others and the universe is a must. I wanted to share that being nice to ourselves is much more important than doing good deed for others. It always starts from us. When we take good care of ourselves and being nice to ourselves, then we can be more filled. Then we can have more space to be nice to others and to the world, right? So, when you do some actions, ask yourself why you do. Are you doing for yourself or being nice to others? The better at being nice to ourselves, the more our life shall shift. So, be nice to yourself! 🙂