Good Sunday afternoon! I want to say good morning because that’s how I feel like it, but it’s afternoon here in Seattle. I think I’m having a jammy day, as in pajamas day today. Not a bad jammy day. I just feel like chilling and enjoy the relaxing kind of day. As I was having a jammy day, I thought of what I would write about this week. I’ll write something relative to my whole experience and learning in the past week. So, it’s about “You’re not a car”!
My teacher told us this story of a boy a couple of times in the past. It’s teaching, amusing and lesson kind of short story. So, here is a boy who is crying and getting down about how some kids in school are making fun of him. He says to his dad, “He calls me stupid,” and he starts to sob and gets down. His dad says, “Ok son. You’re a car.” The boy goes, “That’s silly, dad. I’m not a car, dad.” Dad goes, “That’s right. You’re not a car. Just because someone says you’re a car doesn’t make you a car. Just because someone calls you stupid doesn’t make you stupid.” The boy got it. That’s the story. Long time ago when I first heard that story, I just chuckled because I heard it as an amusement. The second time I heard that story, I decided to put the sentence, “I’m not a car” as one of my screen saver on my computer. For I have a tendency to take things like this boy did.
Previous week from the last week, I had a shit load of bad day everyday. I seriously thought of sending a wish to the universe that I really wanted to “end” this torture. I’m normally not an anxiety driven person, but that week was something. I think it was a combination of all the stuff hitting me at the same time. I started to do the reflexes integration exercises through my healer friend and on that week, we did a new reflexes, galant reflexes. I don’t know if you’ve heard of the reflexes integration practice, but it’s quite powerful. Basically, we have all different kind of reflexes since we’re born. The thing is, whatever the reasons some reflexes are not integrated to our body and brain system. These reflexes integration exercises help to integrate them. However, it’s pretty powerful. Just a little bit of nothing exercise stirs up stuff in your body and things show up like no tomorrow. These are definitely helpful for people who have brain, nerve system problems, especially trauma responses. Anyway, galant was a big one for me obviously, so things got stirred up and got wild, which I had no expectation on such.
My nervous system was in the serious hyper state and I was hyper vigilant all day long, through out of the week. Plus, I was having a serious hit in every single activity I have done in that week, so I had many reasons to get stressed from. First one was the first Zumba class of the week which hit me really hard. After that, every single class I was having some sort of problems. Meanwhile I couldn’t relax my nervous system no matter how I heal myself and meditate. It was so torturous that I really wanted to “end” whatever would end the torture.
Then, as I noted on the last week’s blog, I had a realization of creative energy flow which I was making a wrong move by listening and matching the complaints which I was getting from the Zumba class. Thank God, that shifted whole crap out of my energy system and I’m still shifting big time.
The reason I’m revisiting this is the very reason I wanted to write about the topic, “I’m not a car.” I have a tendency to take what people say. You can say it’s my naiveté which is true, but I do take on things naturally. As a healer, I seemed to have had quite a few past lives which I inhaled negative energy from people and expel from me. So even though I’m very aware and mindful of what I do, I sometimes inhale other’s stuff and start coughing. This is so called, empath healing. It’s not safe for anyone and I hope if you know you’re doing such style of healing, you probably want to revisit because it’s really dangerous for you. Who knows if you can expel everything you absorbed?
Anyway, I realized that lots of complaints and negative attacks coming toward me, no matter how I’m included in the reasons of complaints, the majority of them are nothing to do with me. One lady at the Zumba class told me that my class was too complicated and it would be a better workout if I would bring the simple and same routine every time. There is a point I agree with, but here is the thing: Do you want to create and do such thing? I, as a taking on things type of person, took her feedback to the heart and tried to change my class, or rather tried to change myself because what I create is who I am pretty much. There was another lady who complained about the loudness of music. I couldn’t get out of the talk for one hour that day because she didn’t back off no matter what action plan I was telling her. The bottom line, complaints have a whole lot of different “purpose” than resolution.
People complain and shoot energy attacks to you because they don’t like it. What we humans tend to do is that if it’s hurting us or is too uncomfortable, instead of finding what’s lighting up in us which makes it uncomfortable, we shoot attack to the external source. Every Monday during my current clairvoyant class, one lady starts complaining after the reading. Every single night, never misses. So while no matter how challenging energy we have been working on that night, we clear a lot of chunks during the meditating and readings. However, this lady brings right back to the dark vibration. It’s like slapping the good feeling with dark mud with lots of spiders and snakes. Till several weeks back, I seriously had a hard time with this and talked to my teacher. We made an action plan and are carrying on the action plan. Meanwhile, this lady’s behavior and energy doesn’t change. Same shit every night.
Last Monday, the same thing happened and this time it was my leading of the reading was the problem for this lady. However, it was a little bit different than normal week last Monday. I could clearly hear my higher self and the source message meanwhile. I felt that I had more distance from this lady’s complaint and dark energy than the previous weeks. I was going to say to her, “Would it make it easier for you if I back off from leading the reading and let the teacher do the leading?” In my mind, I got whole lots of shit going on in my Zumba classes, I don’t need another crap in the spiritual class. If this is going to continue, I’m going to discontinue from this class. I’d rather work with healees/readees who are willing to heal themselves. As I almost opened my mouth, I heard a sharp disruption, “NO YOU DON’T DO THAT. YOU DON’T GO THERE.”
I held my semi-opened mouth and did the muscle testing. Sure, the same message. So, I held myself from saying that. I shared about it to my teacher after the class last week. She said, “Your spiritual communication with your inner self is so strong. Yours is the strongest I’ve ever known of.” As much as it was and has been very uncomfortable, one thing for sure I do for myself: I listen to my truth and follow the highest good for myself. So, if the message is to stay no matter how unpleasant it is, I stay till something else is said.
As I realize that there was a distance between this Monday night’s lady’s dark energy shooting all over, I noticed that it was probably the decision I made last week shifted a lot in my energy field. I decided that no matter what people say, how dislike people might be, I’ll stick with what I believe in. I’ll create what I want to create. I will create what brings joy to myself, not for others. Me comes first. The heart chakra essence: affinity to self and then, only then, to others.
I don’t know if you’re following what I intend to say here since random things keep popping up in my head and my hands are typing with no pause, but just because people are complaining and saying bad things about you doesn’t make you any different from who you’re. You don’t have to change unless you find something you want to change for yourself. See, this life is for you, not for others. You have all the family, partner, kids, friends, etc., but still your life is for you, not for anyone else. You’re not a car. If you don’t know who you’re, find who you are from you inside, not from the external source or feedback. Find what makes you tic and follow it. Pretty soon, your sense of you gets stronger and stronger.
With that, have a wonderful rest of the Sunday and a beautiful week! Lots of love and gratitude! 😀